Tuesday, August 09, 2005


Saturday night. For me this has always been fairly valuable real estate. Often regarded as the apex of my social week and often spent with friends or my loved one (In the rare chance that I have one).

Last Saturday I got to see most of my favourite people. Lollie, Nick and Ally from work all went to see our mate Jason's cover band, Chill. After selecting Nick as our designated driver, we were shortly exposed to his kamikaze driving techniques, doing 95 in a 60 zone. Lollie feared for her life, and rightly so.

Followed by a hasty dinner of beer and fries, Jase's band rocked. Some really tight covers, plus they did the Killers 'Somebody Told Me'. Well that just made my night. Plus Anthony aint too bad to look at either.

The night progressed and I resolved to stop drinking, I'd left my car (White Sox) back at Lollie's place and was determined to drive myself home. After the drinking stopped, Nick and I made some startling revelations.

The bar was crawling with some of the most hideous women this side of the Yarra. In particular, one piece of skank we dubbed 'Skeletor'.

She had no arse, no tits and a frumpy knitted black skivvy. Very cool. You're practically James Dean There she is, with her bogan friend dancing on the dance floor with gay abandon (yet periodically glancing towards our table for approval). Their glances toward me and Nicky were met with scorn and downright disgust. Later there were some chuckles as her dance moves became decidedly more seizure-like.

Then there was a big black man trying to break-dance by the bar. It was like walking in on Roseanne in the shower. Gross. There was too much jelly for me to handle.

So at this point I'm feeling fairly trim and taught (compared to the denizens of this bar), and, following Lollie's proclamation that "Beer is good', I went to get some chewies.

See guys, this is the part where our hero takes a simple walk to get chewing gum. He finds a supermarket still opeb late, like a shining beacon in the night. As he walks up to the register, a mere stick of gum in his hand, he must wait behind the owners of a local Chinese restaurant who have two trolleys full of cabbage and bok choy to pay for.

My head clearing, and after some lengthy goodbyes (and Jason signing my nipple - I aint never showering again) all five of us clambered into Nick's car. Another rollercoaster ride of blinding terror ensued as we barrelled down the streets of Melbourne. Me and Ally hung onto Lollie as I relived every road safety ad that I've ever seen.

At Lollie's house we sat round at almost four in the morning, like four exhausted warriors after a battle.

"Are you as fucked as I am?"


I smoked, Nick scratched, then Lollie swan dived onto her bed.

the end


Blogger izchan said...

I have no words to say other than this ...

Ice Lemon Tea. More lemon then tea.

2:17 AM  

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