Wednesday, August 31, 2005

034: COMPLETE & TOTAL LACK OF SUPPORT FROM EVERYONE WHILE I QUIT MY FILTHY DESPICABLE HABIT

or

THE STORY OF ME QUITTING SMOKING YET AGAIN.

So clearly I've been neglecting the blog.

Sorry, I've been busy being the actual character I seem to play outside cyberspace. Still no excuse.

Today I'll be shaking my fisr at the sky about smoking.
Yep - I'm on that ol' chestnut again, mainly cause I'm trying to quit for the fourth time in two and a half years.

What astounds me first off is the lack of support. When I tell people that I'm quitting they usually give me this knowing stare as if you say "Yeah, wonder how long that'll last"

One of my so called friends told me he "gave me five minutes"

Now see I aint flying the flag for determined smokers here. Admittedly I have tried to quit before and come up with perfectly goo reasons to start again. A stressful job. A poorly maintained relationship wrought with arguments. But I have to get it right sometime!

What kind of magnificent specimen of manhood would I be if I didnt have the willpower to stop this simple habit?

Not a very good one, that's for damn sure. I'm barely a teenager as it is!

So I've come up with a battle plan.

1. Surround myself with distractions. I have quite a few at the moment, some of which are very....errr... distracting.
2. Go to the gym twixce as much and put myself through unbelieveable amounts of agony. I'm also inspired by the people at the gym who spend hours there, scoffing protein bars and steroids and wearing uncecessarily tight clothing
(for more information on this topic SEE: Package, The; Freaky Jelly Butt Lady, The)

The brutal, blood curdling cough I seem to have contracted also seems to be quite an effective deterrant.

Oh yeah - and I also wanna buy the most expensive aftreshave I can find. I plan on paying for it with a ridiculous wad of cash.

Purely cause I can wear it and it will stay.

And I will smell great.

And I'll come into work to a thunderous applause cause I smell great.

Prepare to to put your hands together folks.





the end.

4 Comments:

Blogger Mel said...

Sweetheart, I have my pom poms in hand for you and your Quit campaign. You know I totally support your ass, and I promise to try and break your legs if you take it up again. How is THAT for support? Huh? Yeah that's what I'm talking 'bout.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Slim said...

You rock harder than Roseanne caught in a bar fight, battling Willie Nelson and Kirstie Alley with a tyre iron!!!

Thanks, my American Pie :-)

3:24 PM  
Blogger mocushile said...

I will try and support you as much as I can by not asking you for those social ciggis and breaking up yr ciggis into halves?
*giggles*
No seriously I support you with all my heart I used to be more than a social smoker but here Iam
every now and then I take it but Iam not committed to it
I know it's hard and tough for you
but eventually u will"GET OVER IT AND SNAP OUT OF IT"

10:17 PM  
Blogger izchan said...

are we talking about chewing gum?

:)

go slim ... its the effort that counts.

8:43 PM  

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