Thursday, September 29, 2005


As I write this entry, I'm on hold to Telstra. One of the most evil corporations known to man.

Nine minutes. I'm watching the clock.

Frankly, it's draining my soul. I've listened to the same piece of hold music 14 times. Bach.
At least they have good taste. Even Bach gets annoying after a while. What I wouldn’t give for a little Linkin Park right now.

But that would be like pouring gasoline all over the neon flame which is brining in my chest. I call this flame rage, and it burns brightly whenever I have to deal with people who are too stupid to take responsibility for a job they are being paid to do.

Thirteen minutes.

To start with, a woman answers the phone. Her name is utterly unpronounceable. After three or four tries (in the most diplomatic tone I can muster) I settle on a compromise. Say what you hear, Jim. So her name is Shahalalia (Pronounced SHA-HA-LA-LITHA).

Sixteen minutes.

I explain my problem. Give her the details. She has all but a basic grasp of English, so I have to explain things slowly, stressing all the important words. Sort of like talking to my little nephew (and even he seems to have more cognitive abilities than this stupid ape). I explain my story twice, until I am so tired from saying the same thing over and over again. I start speaking in 'point' form. She puts me on hold (after a lot of incoherent mubling) and here I am now.

Twenty Two minutes.

The ape returns. She has an answer for me. But the thing is, by this point I really don’t give a damn! I'm just so full of rage at being kept on hold for so long without even so much as her telling me that she's still on the case. Telling me that I'm still being looked after.

As someone who has worked in the industry for a number of years - I know that this is piss poor customer service.

So after having my soul drained considerably by that overpaid imbecile, I'm now taking the deep breaths. You know the kind that pregnant women do when they go into labour?

I once heard that a happy customer will tell two people about their good customer experience.

An unhappy soul-drained customer will tell ten to fifteen people!!

Well here it is, on the internet. Out there in cyberspace for all to see.
Go yell it from the rooftops!!!

the end


Blogger Mel said...

On hold, no one can hear your heart explode into a burning spark of red in the cavity of your chest. I am sorry, at least you didn't get that other chick, or that guy we all hate. hehe

7:39 PM  
Blogger izchan said...

I am just curious why will telstar hire a person that does not speak ... australian .. :P

1:50 AM  
Blogger Slim said...

Yes Monotone Matt would have definetly sent me into a murderous frenzy with the kind of mood I was in.

Izchan, let me explain. These types of workers are dirt cheap. They are also lazy, uncouth and have no idea how to how to speak to customers. Let alone speak English.

So in short I think they're hired cause they're cheap.

12:01 PM  

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