Tuesday, October 11, 2005


Time for me to switch to serious mode here. I feel I've identified a fundamental flaw in the way I live my life. It's something that I've been thinking about for months now, and I feel it's time to address it.
I'd like to preface this with a disclaimer. This isn't me in a pessimistic mood, or feeling down, or drunk. I'm in a completely objective place.
See, several years ago, I resolved to be 'a nice guy', meaning I would be good and honest and always strive to do what I considered to be the right thing.
This wasn’t always the case.
I used to be one bad mother fucker. I never killed anyone (at least I don’t think I did!) but for all intents and purposes my soul was black.
I betrayed people, used them for all they were worth. I revelled in my almost pathological need to lie and be good at it. I drank heavily and dabbled in all manner of extra illegal activities. And I slept around with reckless abandon. It's wonder I didn’t die of an overdose or some sexually transmitted disease. Lord knows I came close on a few occasions.
In short - I had everything. Women. Men. Booze and a smorgasboard of so-called friends. I was the epitome of success, never alone, never wanting for anything. Unimaginably popular.
Until one day I decided that I was kinda worried about my soul.
So I resolved to be mister nice guy, and it's been that way ever since.
This doesn’t meant that I'm a model citizen by any means, but I try to make amends for all the awful things I've done in the past. In my eyes, every day is an opportunity for atonement. That's probably how the rest of my life is going to be. I'm okay with that. But is it all worth it?
When you're nice to people - are they ever nice back? Are they ever honest back to you? Are you more successful in work and relationships because you rely on the strength of your character, rather than the extent of what you can manipulate and subvert.
Nothing seems to pay off. The nicer and more willing to compromise you are, the more people walk all over you and take advantage. Suddenly you're sitting at home on a Friday night making love to a magazine. A few years later, no one calls me and I wear a red ski jacket to work.
This brings me to my point. Trying to live my life as a 'good person' benefits only my soul, but certainly doesn’t help me in any other areas of my life, least of all the relationship arena.
I'm now faced with the prospect of becoming the evil person I once was in order to secure myself s
ome success. From where I'm sitting, it seems like the only way to win.
the end.


Blogger Mel said...

Babe, the only thing I can tell you is this, just be who you want to be, no one else. Don't be the guy you think you have to be for someone else. Just be you, and be happy with who you are - I think you're pretty cool. :)

6:55 PM  
Blogger Denny said...

Slim - brief Moral Tale . . . .
Years ago I was up for a big job, one of those life-changing opportunities. Down to me and one other guy. He slept with the boss. He got the job. He was younger than me. He died of a heart-attack ten years later.
Be yourself, and stick to the standards you believe are right. The immediate rewards may not always seem to be what you want, but you'll win in the long run.

1:13 AM  
Blogger Slim said...

Thanks for your comments guys.

Mel - I'm validated that at least one chick I know thinks that I'm cool. You havent taken out a restraining order yet, so I suppose it's good news!

Denny - First up, that's a great story! Secondly I try to stand up for what I believe in, it's just hard being constantly shot down. Being the bad guys seems to reap so many rewards.

8:57 AM  
Blogger izchan said...

I could preach. :)

But I don't think I need to.

Being "good" is really not about being popular. on the contrary, based on my experience, being good makes me very unpopular.

Its like telling the kid that they can't have too much candy. By their eyes your suddenly public enemy No.1.

so I can only tell you this, being good is the only reward that it is, its not about being loved, being repaid, being treated fairly.

Being good is simply a standard that we hold ourself to, in life and in our soul.

10:33 AM  
Blogger mocushile said...

Once again u remind me of a song
Jack Palance once sang this in one of the animated movies it goes like this:" No more mr nice guy no sorrriee"

Sometimes I think that being nice is the equal term of being used and abused ... but not in all cases to be honest!!!

cause u might hurt someone who really loves u and really cares
Hence I have decided

I will be always the middle man neither the fool on the hill neither no more mr nice guy....

middle is always nice. thats what I think and its yr judgment cause u know who deserves what.. either way I think u will still be an angel..

11:05 AM  

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