Monday, November 07, 2005

055: I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND

What is the purpose of a partner? A girlfriend. Boyfriend. What are they supposed to be and what are they supposed to do?

Disclaimer: This isn't about you!! Cant a troubled young man express his feelings in cyberspace without having everyone think that I've written this about them!!?!?

Right - now that we're over the pleasantries.

Unfortunately for me recent years seem to have warped the concept of a relationship so much, that I fear I may have lost track of what one is supposed to feel like.

It's only because each one is so wildly different, with it's own set of rules and rewards. In jokes and familiar places. Different things that you share with your other. Then one day you find that your partner is a completely different person. I mean this in the literal sense of course.

You start a new relationship and the rules change again. Ground rules and boundaries are laid down. And in each person's head, expectations are secretly forming.

In a completely analytical way, I question the function and value of having someone else to think about. To worry about. To grovel to. The rules are continually changing and you have to adapt to a new person's moods. Their likes and dislikes. Their ill advised wardrobe choices.

Maybe the whole thing is just going over my head? But the fact remains that in my relatively short life, I have yet to reap the benefits of being in a relationship.

Maybe in some way, this line of thinking indicates how far I have to go in regards to understanding the anatomy of a relationship. Further education on this subject would undoubtedly go a long way to ensuring most of my relationships don’t have a 24 hour turnaround time.

It's difficult to broach this subject without seeming incredibly jaded and cynical. If there's any misery in the words I write, it's only the subtle sadness of missing out on something that's supposedly pretty good.

Granted some of my exes are quite worthy of every ounce of spite and malice I have to muster. I sit at my desk day after day visualising pick axes through their windshield. Or the gleeful jig I would do on their front lawn as I burned their houses to the ground.

But for every bad one, there's been a good one, and I'm still somewhat grateful for that. Even if this blog makes me sound like whining little bitch!




the end

5 Comments:

Blogger mocushile said...

To be honest I need an answer to yr question as yet.. what I also found out is

As humans we are never satisfied
the rich isnt happy and so isnt the poor...

The single isnt happy and so isnt the couple

yet again as a single person I tell u I am only dissatisfied when I need a certain emotional support rather than that we lead

life the same we breath, go to work, see our friends etc only diff there is another person on

the other end watching what u doing counting yr breath and yr movments critrsing and telling u what to and not to do...

9:40 AM  
Blogger izchan said...

hormones.

thats the technical answer.

The philospical goes like this.

Its because you have this need to find a "fatherly" or "motherly" figure to fill up that need which you have been deprived off when you were a child.

in a nutshell? You want to be special in atleast someone (other than ourselves) elses eyes.

The practical answer?

Its because without a sparing partner, life becomes too darn boring to live on.

Does that help?

11:21 PM  
Blogger Slim said...

Iz, wow I never thought of it that way.
I guess what I am looking for is the approval and love of a motherly/fatherly figure. The folks werent there a lot as a kid.

To answer your question, it doesnt reallyt help, but at least I have another piece of the puzzle to ponder and consider while I lie awake in bed.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

The purpose of a partner - well ultimately it's to validate ourselves. What I mean by this is - there are those of us wanting to have someone in our life, and thus needing to have a boyfriend or girlfriend (sometimes both), and others who are okay with being by themselves. So if there is a need to fill a void in our lives then we seek a filler - if we are lonely we hook up, if we are hooked up but feel empty we think about kids, it's the same thing - when we feel as if we are missing something we seek to find it.
Society forces us in every single scenario to feel as if being alone or choosing not to have a partner is wrong - that there is a need for coupledom - but hey, a while ago it was the same with couple having kids - you gotta have kids! And this is shit. You don't have to have kids, and you don't have to have a partner. It's not a necessity. You do as you please. It's your perogative and your right.

1:40 PM  
Blogger Slim said...

Word, Mel.
And ten points for using the word 'prerogative' in a sentence.

I totally agree with what you're saying here. So many people fall into relationships for all the wrong reasons.

I've been guilty of this on a few occasions.

6:13 PM  

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