Monday, February 27, 2006


There's nothing worse than being miserable when everyone else around you is happy.

This is the challenge I faced today, especially with my perennial sidekick Lollie who was bursting at the seams with the newfound joy she feels for no apparent reason. It makes me sick, to know that others are happy when I'm not. Who allows a world like this to exist?

So today Lollie and I are out on one of our patented smokos when she reveals she's feeling like Mary Poppins. Great. She's this close to some sort of awful animated bird landing on her handbag to sing to her.

Here's me visualising the bird in a cage.
And me replacing its water supply with methylated spirits. Excellent.
Observe the following exchange:

Lollie: I'm having a great day today. In fact my life is great right now. I'm looking good, I'm getting noticed by guys. I'm just great!
Slim: why?
Lollie: I dunno. I feel like Mary Poppins today. I had such a great sleep in my new bed sheets last night.
I flash back to my restless night and the four hours sleep I've had. Also the nightmare I woke up from in which me and Angry Nick went to a bar in Geelong filled with terrifying midgets.
Slim: Well if you're fuckin Mary Poppins, I'm Kurt Cobain today. I'll be moody and go home and play angry chords on my guitar until after dinner when I blow my head off in the driveway with my daddy's shotgun.
This is the point where I'm thinkin about Kurt Cobain accosting Mary Poppins in a secluded New England street and threatening her with a knife.
Kurt: Gimme all ur money bitch, or I'll cut yer a new smile!!!
He holds the knife to her throat, Mary recoils and her eyes widen with fear.
Mary: Well goodness! That's no way to talk to a lady young man! I've a good mind to call the Police!!
And with that Kurt plunges his knife straight into her heart and dies very quickly and quietly. And he steals her umbrella.
…and suddenly there I am, daydreaming, cigarette in hand. And all is right with the world.
I'm still angry though.
the end.


Blogger mocushile said...

what a nice virtal story Iam sure Julie Andrews will be delighted to be the main character in the sequel!!!

Can I be the bird!!!! pllease
by the way u should see my hair
its dark
so dark!

7:04 PM  
Blogger izchan said...


No 82 is by far the best blog yet.

Keep it going.

11:44 PM  
Blogger Slim said...

Moculshile: thanks hun, of course you may be the bird. But remember, you die by drinking methylated spirits.

Not exactly a fun experience - trust me.

Iz: Thanks dude! Rage always makes for the best blogs. If I wasnt constantly miserable, I wouldnt be entertaining!

By the way, thanks so much for sticking with me through 82 blogs!

It's been a great ride so far.
Here's to the final chapter...

4:30 PM  
Blogger izchan said...

Eh ... you have like 19 more to go before you "close" the chapther.

And I am hoping for the next "101" ... :P

9:06 PM  
Blogger mocushile said...

meh... I will get to fly for a bit before I die

but hey that might gimme the chance to swap the meethylated spirits with some vodka or maybe eculiptus ... who knows

and if I die I die at least I enjoyed being a different speices!

7:10 PM  
Blogger Slim said...

From the sounds of those comments Mocushile, I'd say you've already made your way to the Vodka!

12:30 PM  

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