Tuesday, May 16, 2006

092: TALES OF INTEREST!
In which our hero has to stay home from work due to a spinal injury.
The croutons have arrived! You know, those crunchy things you eat with soup? They also appear in ceasar salad. Anyway, I've been demanding that certain individuals supply me croutons from the cafe they work at. Under duress, this individual has complied. In my boredon, I've been snacking on these golden salty treasures. I've relished each oversalted mouthful.
Now that I think of it, I've been house bound for the last few days and I've started getting adventurous with my food.
I microwaved my (medicinal) Mars Bar just before and ate it with the sharpest knife I could find. I sat there with my melted chocolate, blade in hand and three feet away from my television.
I bet that's what Angelina Jolie does when no one is around.
Being on painkillers I seem to sway in and out of lucidity, interrupted by increments of 15 minutes in which I inexplixcably fall asleep. I find myself questioning why I've never gotten drunk in the shower, and if that dangerous red headed woman (who appears every time I'm stoned) really exists.
I've been swimming a lot because the Witch Doctor says it's good for my back. So night after night, I climb into my tiny blue speedos and swallow a couple of litres of chlorine.
That is until those no good kids bother me and insist that I play 'underwater torture' with them (?). Of course this is in between avoiding instances of hairy older men striking up a coversation with me, only to have it go down the "So...What are you doing later tonight?" direction.
* SIGH *
So it's been an eventful few days, even though due to my spinal injury, I've done very little. South Park. Mars Bars. Cereal. I even ventured out to the supermarket to go get some cereal.
"I'm a big man, and I need a big cereal!"
That's me, in my hazy state, trying to explain myself to the staff at my local Safeway.
Oh yes, and I encountered a drunken shovel weilding farmer on the outskirts of Melbourne. And the old lady next door beat me violently me with her handbag when I commented on what a nice day it was as I retrieved the mail. Think the ol' bitch is on more drugs than me!
The brightest spot in this whole extended episode has been hearing the new single from my favourite band - Muse. It's called "Supermassive Black Hole" and it's the first single from their new album out July 3rd.
Wow, what can I say? Britney's "Do Something" meets The Scissor Sisters on speed in a creepy disco run by Charleton Heston. Truly amazing stuff - a supermassive thumbs up from me. You can download it from their official website www.muse.mu.
Fuck knows if the actual CD Single will be released here. For those of us familiar with Australia's piss poor music industry, dont hold your breath. Just remember everyone:
Muse.
July 3rd.
Thank you all for contributing to my "Which woman do you wanna bash?" blog. Ive heard many interesting results. I love that my little journal can be such a forum for intelligent exchange. Seems like everyone wants to belt the same person though. I vote Martha Stewart.
Anyways, I'm off for a swim. I'll see y'all in a few short days.
Farewell from TV land.
"You Watched it!! You Cant Un-Watch it!!"



the end.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mate - never knew you were not well... Hope someones bringin' you the compulsary "chicken soup" remedy, or is that just for colds?? oh well, as long as someones looking after you :) get well soon.

9:16 PM  
Blogger Denny said...

Been missing your blogs mate, good to see you in full form here, and missing you at work too. Not that you missed much today except a loadful of crap. Believe me a back injury sounds like bliss compared to it !

5:45 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Miss you! Please come back soon, if only for my amusement.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Slim said...

Shanal: Alas no one brough me any chicken soop. But I was provided with a medicinal mars bar, and of course a smorgasboard of painkillers. Oh yeah and South Park Season 4 on DVD!!

Denny: Jeez I miss being at work. Good to be back today, even if I am still a bit wonky.

Mel: I have (triumphantly) returned! And by the way, great to see you are finally realising the obvious greatness of Jason Mraz!

7:01 PM  
Blogger izchan said...

poor dear.

2:05 AM  
Blogger mocushile said...

Mars Bars and knives !!! and Angelina jolie ..NOW why wasnt I invited!!!! damn!

well Iam hoping your spine is feeling better and did u threatn this woman u will sneak to her room and cut her!!!! hahahah....

Get better sweety
getting stoned in anyway can be such heaven in its own way

8:18 PM  

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