Thursday, July 06, 2006

101: THE LAST DAY

"So here my journal begins, on a Tuesday nite when it's quiet at work. This day is dragging, like some kind of psychadelic iguana, dragging it's lazy carcass over some neon rock"

With these auspicious words, so began my one hundred and one reasons why I hate existence, just over a full year ago.

Psychadelic drug references not withstanding, it was a fairly ordinary entry by a disgruntled worker who just wanted to go home.

I've often thought about the final entry in this journal, and the words it would contain. I also expected to be a different person, a more evolved man sitting by the keyboard scratching his head, thinking of something funny to say.

A man profoundly moved and changed by his experiences over the course of a year. He would be older, wiser and have a fully stocked bar at home.

But before I continue down this path, lets recap for those of you just joining us...

My name's Jim. I'm a man looking at the world through dark glasses and a kaleidescope.

For the last year, I've used this blog to record my thoughts on the distorted reality I see around me every day. Some of it has been quirky and funny, some of it has not.

So far, I've faced threatening teenage girls with neon claws, tried to quit smoking once, squared off against Bea Arthur in a scissor fight, worn some cranky pants, seen the ghost of Gwen Stefani, been mauled by Jesus, bought a new phone, found a comfy chair, been afraid of Ikea, contemplated the meaninglessness of relationships and my own existence and even found the time to stalk Kelly Clarkson.

So it's been a wild ride. A wild, painful, emotional, exhilirating, nauseating, glorious ride.

This last post also coincides with my last day at Foxtel, the job I have been at for the better part of two years. In essence, my family.

Yesterday was a tremendous day, filled with vast quantities of confectionery and many heartfelt goodbyes. Still I cant bring myself to come to terms with the loss. To quite completely fathom the end of that place.

So right now, I'm caught in constant flashback mode, my memories of the last twelve months forming a giant collage in my head. A collage of random memories and fleeting moments when I understand what it is to be human. Waking up next to a loved one, a comfortable silence with a dear friend, hollowing out a pumpkin for my very first Halloween.

I'll take that collage and put it in a macaroni frame. I'll hang it on my wall and look at it whenever the sky gets dark or the walls start closing in too much.

Merely another time in my life when one chapter ends, and another begins.

So now I look at the man who sits typing this entry at lightning speed. Who is he? Where has he been? How has he been changed? All questions that come to me at the end of this journey, on the last page of this book.

Is a man changed by his experiences? Does he learn from them? Will he ever surrender?

I'm astounded at how, fundamentally, I have changed so little. I'm still a spikey haired loser. Still just as confused about my place in the world as the rest of y'all. Still not allowed to use any kitchen appliances without adult supervision.

Maybe I've just learned to accept these things more.

I wish I could write a proper ending to this story, preferably a happy one. I wish I could write an action packed ending with a car chase and some explosions and lots of bikini clad waitresses pouring condiments over hot dogs.

I wish I could close this book and never want to revisit it again. Have no regrets. But life isnt like that, and while we always take the most important lessons with us on our journey, we often leave others behind.

So this is goodbye to all that. I'm bravely off to to try and walk the road, and maybe someday it will take me back here. I'm not sure. I've accepted a job as a courier, so if you ever wondering what I'm doing (and lets face it - you will), know that I'll be immersed in the fast paced world of package delivery, wearing nothing but a crooked smile and a baseball cap.

Thank you to all of my friends and loved ones who have been a part of my life in some form or another over the last year. Without you, my blog would be like a story with no characters (even though I'm pretty much a one man show most days anyway!)

Thank you to all of you who have been reading over the last year.

It's meant a lot to me that you've tuned in week after week. I hope I had the chance to make you laugh, and maybe, if only a couple of times, make you think. Stick with me, I'll be back soon.

I hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I've enjoyed writing.

Peace on your journeys, and remember to stay off the west side.






Yours Sincerely,
Jim

(Custodian / Caretaker)




9 Comments:

Blogger Mel said...

Dear Jimmy
I miss you already. I can't convince myself that it's an RDO and you're going to be there at 11.38am tomorrow morning - because you're not. It's heartbreaking. I went over to see the guys and gals today, saw MM (he made me touch his boob), AN (his scar heals to be busted open again soon), Swan who is glowing in a lovely way, and Lollie who was sitting at your now cleaned desk. Your desk made me want to cry. Devoid of Reavers, Angel and Whitney. Devoid of you.
It's like when Angel left Buffy.
Angel and Buffy, such a good combo, worked well for 3 seasons but you knew that once Angel left he would be able to spread his wings, and god help me, his waistline, and get his own posse. But his presence is sorely missed at every turn, and no Riley, Spike or even Principal Wood can fill that black leather coat or red Loser t-shirt like you.
You have left a empty spot in all of us, and we'll never be the same without you. Miss you.

6:47 PM  
Blogger Denny said...

As usual Mel says it all. Strange today looking over at your old desk and seeing red hair instead of spikes. I too was tempted to try and tell myself it was just your RDO. Didn't work. Thanks for what you wrote in your e-mail mate, take care, I'd suggest wearing a little more than just a baseball cap in a Melbourne Winter. I like that Post 101 coincided with your freedom. You're missed already, but where's that spaceship I used to play with that you promised to bequeath me when you left huh?

8:15 PM  
Blogger Slim said...

Mel: thanks for commenting, it means a lot that the both of you left your stamp on my final blog.

I was hanging out with a mate Wednesday night sho said to me "If it's hard for you being away from that place, imagine what it's like for the ones you leave behind".

To be honest I'd never thought about it that way.

I realise I've left the show for my younger, hipper spin off series, but in true Duchovny style, I've promised I'll be back for the final episode to steal all your screen time.

Denny: The ship got put into a bag along with the rest of my toys, but I'm sure I can bring it along tonight!

Having the last blog coincide with my last day of work was just good fortune I guess.

It seemed kinda wrong to have this blog without the job.

1:43 PM  
Blogger Rhettrospective said...

Jim
You will be missed.
Things are eerily not quite right when you are not around.
It's hard to fill the huge void you have left.

Miss you heaps
Rhett

7:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AHHHHHH the Dynamic Jimmy P... Already i miss your witty remarks , who... I SAY WHO NOW WILL BAG WHITNEY!

I have just got home from your farewell gig and what a joy it was to see the many people who you have touched in some way or another or another. The people were there not to say goodbye but to show that look forward to being a part of your life in the exciting times to come.

I honestly wish you well for the future, I thank you for your support and your friendship. I am not so sad that you left as you seem very happy with your decision and that can only be a good thing.

Stay cool kid, glad i know you...

12:09 AM  
Blogger Slim said...

Guys thanks for your further comments. The farewell drinks are now over with so things yhave officially 'finished'.

Kinda stoked to see what a crowd I drew last night, and it meant a lot that everyone I invited made the effort to come.

I really meant what I said last night. It's been so heartbreaking to finish up, and it'll probably be the last time we're all together, but an important part us remains together.

12:21 PM  
Blogger mocushile said...

ahhhhhhhh.. you are loved JP greatly loved Iam sure every one would have had the tears in their eyes

the same way I did at primus
Ilove you so much
Iam sorry I didnt stay long
yesterday love you

5:35 PM  
Blogger izchan said...

OMG. Has it come to the number?
Hmm ... can I have a new forwarding address please?

You know I am still a fan ... :)

11:52 AM  
Blogger Slim said...

Mocushile: Yeah there were some emotional good byes, especially at the drinks last week.

It's okay that you didnt stay, I understand that you were on a date!

Izchan: Indeed it's that time already. I'm kind of lost without this blog!

When and if I start a new one I'll be the first to let you know!

4:52 PM  

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